Leave a message after the bleep.

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Aubrey

Ell, ditto on the disinterest. I feel like everywhere I turn media crits and Joe Sucks Pack alike are bemoaning last year's paltry quality film offerings. Was 2008 really that bad of a year for movies? Or has it simply become fashionable, or perhaps just reasonable, to complain annually about the previous year's contributions to cinema? I guess what I'm asking is if 2008 was honestly any worse than 2007, or '06, or '93, or '79. Is it all relative, or was there something particularly disappointing this time around? It's hard to say without having seen everything released (and everything released in prior years for comparison's sake), but I do know that when compiling my own personal 10 Best/Worst of 2008 lists (which have since changed after having seen a few more of the year's best), I kept finding movies from my Netflix 5 star rating lists that I would get really excited about putting on my Best, only to discover that they were in fact from 2007 (Breach, Control, Diving Bell, Death Proof, King of Kong, The Orphanage, The Savages....) Oh shuckydarns.

I can't help but wonder, however, if it is paradoxically becoming popular to be discontent with popular culture. Of course, there has always been the underground/disdain for the bourgeois/romanticism of the proletariat, but in terms of complaining about the choices of nominees this year, you just can't seem to get away from it. Granted, as you mentioned, the numbers might speak otherwise (taking Dark Knight's boxoffice sales as an example), so perhaps it really only is the critics who are...well...critical. And, as we know, criticism is a dying art, with major layoffs at most major publications (but, that gets into a whole 'nother issue, so I digress.) Just thinking out loud here. Your thoughts? Are we just being snobbish whiners, or are we on to something here?

In terms of our own personal Best Pic nominees from last year, you are right, we do diverge significantly on several. As you know, I reserve a certain dark and murky corner of my blackened soul to brew the particular hatred I had this year for Dark Knight and Curious Case, but hey, to each his own (even when he is very very wrong). I agree with your shout out for Synecdoche; I thought it was a fantastically brilliant film and am going to pull a snobbish whiner move here and say that if you didn't get it, you weren't smart enough (or simply hadn't had enough wine in the theatre with you). Ballast was also a fantastic film, but didn't really have that special sumthin sumthin to win Best Pic. You are right that The Wrestler did. The movie that crawled under my skin and kept me thinking about it was I've Loved You So Long (also, no nom for Kristin Scott Thomas? Puhleez.) But I'm gonna throw a curve ball out here and say that I think the little-seen Quid Pro Quo might be my other choice behind Man on Wire. Vera Farmiga (pic above), who was also absolutely brilliant in Down to the Bone, carries this creepy little ugly duckling of a film (if an ugly duckling can be said to have some of the most beautiful cinematographic feathers of the year). Nick Stahl, the easy-to-hate-main-dude from HBO's Carnivale series, is surprising as the easy-to-like-main-dude here. It's weird, it's wacky and wonderful and challenging. And fetishistic. What more could the old geezers in the Academy want?

And back to the too-early-to-predict-early-predictions for just a moment. Take a sec and peruse imdb's upcoming releases from now until, oh, say about mid April. Thoughts on this? I could only find two movies coming out that I'm even remotely excited for, and I'm equally embarrased to report they are both going to likely be totally forgettable: once again another horror classic remake (Last House on the Left) and 3D (love!) movie that will be only mediocre in 2D (Monsters vs Aliens). And to me, that's the epitome of paltry.

So, we're still not talking about Meryl?

-Aub....

This Is Why The Academy Doesn't Return My Phone Calls

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Elliot

Hay Aub,
I've never actually thought to ask myself what films should have been nominated before, versus simply complaining about the predictably quotidian picks made by the Academy. It's a question that, unfortunately, for myself, leaves much to be desired from 2008, and our fine reader will understand why in a second. First, an acknowledgment: I completely agree with you on the Push-for-sweep-2009-if-2008-is-our-only-frame-of-reference argument. You can't go wrong with Dakota Fanning, unless of course she's being raped; a curious situation for a different discussion. And Jonas Bros & Co. or whatever hot mess that'll turn out to be just might be '09's Man on Wire, (that hurt to type).

However, I don't think I could have been more disinterested with the selection of '08 even if Michael Bay had released a few more of his juicy pics. There were myriad choices, but most either tried to be too realistic only to become genuine parody (see: Revolutionary Road), were so fantastical that you simply couldn't suspend your disbelief (The Dark Knight), or were sardonically indentured to their own sanctimony rendering them unwatchable (The Reader, Slumdog Millionaire [more smug than sanctimonious, but it still fits] and to a lesser extent, Doubt).

I'm deliciously curious about your pics in this category as I'm certain that our opinions on this matter will not likely converge, but without further a dieu, my list of preferred best picture nominees (in no particular order) w/ brief explanations:

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: As we've discussed, this movie was quite the piece of trash. However, if Forrest Gump can win BP and still not be as good as this it deserves to be in the pool. You can't deny the star power of Pitt (who may yet emerge as the actor of a generation) and Blanchett (the only genuine heir apparent to Meryl Streep), nor the near super-power abilities of director extraordinaire David Fincher. The Academy is often times all about redemption of past mistakes, and completely snubbing Zodiac was near criminal so that angle could be worked as well.

-The Dark Knight: This was a difficult choice for me because after seeing it a few times I decisively concluded that it was all smoke, mirrors, shoddy cinematography and a great marketing campaign. However, over $500 billion dollars in box-office revenue is enough to convince me that it deserves the spot, sight unseen. Fawning fan boys would have returned to the fold of Oscars participation, and the Academy could have made an unprecedented move toward accessibility instead of its notorious yet unfounded elitism.

-Man on Wire (Elliot's personal choice for the win): Has anybody attempted not to love this movie? A story not simply about daring feats but of an inspiring and passionate determination for personal fulfillment too easily brushed off as recreational and secondary.

-Milk: Yet another chance for the Academy to redeem itself from its shameful pick for Crash a few years back instead of the exponentially superior Brokeback Mountain. I had a lot of problems with this movie as well, I just didn't see what everyone else saw I suppose, but in a year where poverty porn ruled the Oscars our only basis for comparison has this one looking like this decade's Amadeus.

-The Wrestler: Why did this movie only get two major nominations, one of which subsequently lost to an inferior performance? It has every element necessary for a best picture nomination: beautiful and raw script, depth of acting unlike any of its competition (as long as you didn't pay much attention to Evan Rachel Wood, but nobody does anyway), one of the most talented directors in the business, then throw in the storyline about a last chance for glory usually deemed Oscar pay dirt.... yet it gets snubbed. This is, unquestionably, dear reader, in the top three of the biggest disappointments from this year's nominations.

I'd like to give a few shout-outs while I'm at it, for films that didn't make my top list either because I didn't see them (but have a good feeling that, sight unseen, they would make it) or they simply didn't make the cut. Better luck next year:

Wendy and Lucy; Synecdoche, New York; The House Bunny; Ballast; Step Up 2: The Streets; and so on and so forth.

-Elliot

Re: The Morning After Razor Blade

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Aubrey

Sup Ell.

As you referenced, the two best moments last night were Hughie's singing "I haven't seen The Reader, I was going to see it later but I fell behind" (priceless, and in my case, true) and Philippe Petit balancing the statuette on his chin (what Roberto Benigni's acceptance spaz-attack a few years back should have been more like. Or wait. That shouldn't have been at all. But you know what I'm saying (also, as anyone reading this, by which I mean my two cousins and no one else, should know, I really like excessive and inappropriate use of commas, and also, ellipses (see), so just, get, used, to, it.)) I was admittedly wary of Jackman as host (um, hello? Tina Fey was in attendance, and was thus obviously available for the role) but I thought other than the painfully awful yet obligatory dance sequence, he was unexpectedly a'ight....but probably only because he was off-screen for the vast majority of the night. As mentioned above, since I haven't seen nor will probably ever see The Reader, Good Moment Numero Uno resonated with me, although I think it would have echoed more true if he had transferred that little bit to Frost/Nixon, the movie that no one, including the Academy members, saw. And as for Momento Bueno Number Two, hearing Man on Wire get called for Best Documentary (in my opinion should have been Best Picture) was the only moment that I leaped up and ya-bro-punched the air.

Where was Beyonce? People kept asking me today what I thought of Beyonce, so I can only assume it was so horrific and categorically injurious a sight to behold that I must have blocked it out. Wait. Beyonce is ho daddy?

Fashion: Turn to the left. Fashion: Turn to the right:

I think(?) I may have liked(?) Anne Hathaway's dress. The most surprising thing about that though, for me, was when I found out that it was Heath Ledger, and not she, who was being nominated for the role as Joker. Mind blowing.

Penelope Cruz looked super hot from the shoulders down, by which I mean that which was covered in her delicious wedding-cake of a dress. Man shoulders and a bowl cut do not a Ten make, however.

Tilda Swinton's slick back? Hawt. She can do no wrong, even when it is so, so wrong.

Freida Pinto's navy body doily? Naught. (Who is Freida Pinto you might be asking? Oh, well let me explain. She's one of the....well....ALL actors from Hoodcanine that didn't get nominated for anything. Chew on that.)(Her name reminds me of chips-n-dip, which makes me hungry, which makes me think of poverty, which makes me think of exportation and aestheticism, which make me think of this: http://www.slate.com/id/2209783/ I love this article, and you (our two readers) should too.)

Predictions for Oscars 2010:

If this year was any indication of the quality of films nominated, I'm going for a Push sweep, with the Jonas Bros 3-D Concert coming in a close second.

Also, why haven't we said anything about Meryl? Is there....gasp....horror!....nothing left to say?

-Aub...

Sex and Violence!

File under: In theaters

Author: Aubrey

I (we!) hate Michael Bay. While sitting in Friday the 13th yesterday waiting for the feature to start, I saw my first trailer for Transformers Two or whatever that hot mess of steaming messy hotness is called. You know what, I don't even know if he directed this new one, because I don't want to taint my delicate psyche by imdb'ing it to find out. What I do know is that he needs to stick to ONLY! producing! remakes! of horror classics. I loved the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, and I loved the new F13th too. It's a horrible movie, and totally worth it (at matinee price only, doi.)

Obnoxiously gross kill scenes? Check.

Gratuitous sex scenes only rivaled by gratuitous liberties taken? Check.

Near constant pot references and irresponsible drinking? Check.

I don't even remember the last time I actually jumped during a scary movie, but yeah, so sue me. Check.

Topless wakeboarding? Ka-ching.

-Aub.

RE: The Morning After Pill (should be a razor blade after last night)

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Elliot

Greetings, Aubrey,
I'd like to welcome our fan to our new blog as well. This just may be what takes the live Aubrelliot show down a notch and may result in us acquiring social lives while we're at it; no promises.

My thoughts on the snooze fest are unbalanced and unfair, just the way I like it. It was sort of like watching a live birth, in that there was a new format with likely-mixed results that had both saving graces (well, one that I can think of), and the consequential unsightly episiotomy that somehow justified Hugh Jackman pandering to his stage roots and the unfortunate awards show mainstay Beyonce showing more thigh than a Catholic schoolgirl who's just discovered cocaine and not even trying to masquerade the lip singing. It's unfortunate when the opening number is the best the show has to offer, which wasn't much to begin with. I'll borrow an observation that I read earlier in that it was, at the very least, tongue-in-cheek funny for Jackman to mention that The Reader was near unwatchable, foreshadowing for the rest of the evening's events? I do believe so.
However, I actually appreciated the new format for handing out the acting awards. It's good for the Academy to explicitly acknowledge the hard work done individually by these actors aside from the tacit acknowledgement in the nomination alone.
In all honesty, however, I can't say that I was exactly 'moved' by Dustin Lance Black's acceptance speech, but it was easily the most genuine and non-agenda-ey acceptance speech I believe I've ever heard. Not that it will do anything for the stone in my particular heart cavity, but it helps! It did diminish that of Penn, who was in the unfortunate place where he had to make an agenda by shaming people for their (albeit ridiculous) beliefs. He is easy to dislike, after all.
No real surprises like that of Crash winning a few years back to speak of. But there were a few times where I held my breath or made an audible gasp at an announcement. Two of those being Walts With Bashir (highly overrated in my book, I should give it another shot but I won't) and The Class being trumped by Departures for best foreign feature, a little seen but highly rated Japanese film; the other (slightly less surprising as the awards neared) being Penn beating out Rourke in a role that was practically a gimme from the studio producing Milk. Mr. Penn didn't create much with this role as Harvey Milk, his persona and everything that goes with it were available to him in a very public fashion, he mimicked. Mr. Rourke had the superior performance. There should be some very clear silver-lining with his loss though, now he has some incentive to not fuck up so much and quit acting like he doesn't care about the Oscar, despite its never-ending flaws the Oscar has more direct clout than any other accolade in film history. Why do you think people still consider Angelina Jolie or Hilary Swank good actresses?
I'm not going to even mention the best picture winner, as anyone reading this would know exactly how I felt about the most overrated film of the year, possibly the decade.
In summation, I can't say this was the most pathetically tedious awards show to date, I'll leave that to the Billboard Awards. Your thoughts?

I never have been one to speak to fashion except when I know what I like and hate, and I suppose that's the genuine critique of all art. I can say the following:

-Marisa Tomei looked like she fell in a laundry cart full of cloth napkins and bobby (sp?) pinned them together.
-I was remarkably surprised that, for once, I couldn't see Anne Hathaway's lipstick color from space.
-I am completely unable to fathom why people went gaga over Angelina Jolie's earrings.
-Kate Winslet's dress sort of looked like she constructed it herself.
-Mickey Rourke is the new Johnny Depp in terms of Oscars fashion. Being different just for the sake of being different does not make the different you're looking for. It's just weird.
-Miley Cirus (why was she there? Ditto Robert Pattinson and Zac Ephron) looked like Daryl Hannah's mermaid in Splash.
-Could Diane Lane look bad if she tried?

That's all for this gabfest. What do you think, Aub?

the morning after pill...

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Aubrey

Aubrey: This blog is being created the day after the Oscars 2009 by Aubrey and Elliot Patton. The purpose is to continue our self-indulgent and fairly-constantly-annoying-to-everyone-but-us movie commentary in a public forum that no one will ever read nor care about.

To open up the discussion, I'd like Elliot's thoughts on last night's compulsory yawner. Was this the most pathetically tedious Academy Awards to date? Give me your own personal nominees for what should have been up for Best Picture. Let's do a love/loathe breakdown on the menstrual-colored-carpet fashion faux pas. And a much-too-early-to-predict early predictions for next year's (2009 releases) OldBoringCrapFest 2010.

And post something more coherent than a 1a.m. text on Waltz with Bashir while you're at it.
-Aub...