A sigh of relief

File under: From the vault  

Author: Aubrey

Q: What do you get when you mix the most marvelously random cast with an embarrassingly cliched script, scornfully outdated special effects and a crappy, spotty download stream?

A: My faith in film restored.

As Elliot will attest, I've been really really scared lately.  A dark cloud of movie malaise has recently descended upon me, causing a deeply felt sense of ambivalence/insouciance/ennui regarding every film I've seen over the past several weeks (which have also markedly decreased in number due to this befallen illness; I'm so far behind on my 365 movies-this-year goal it's ouchy).  I've yawned through The Searchers, took 4 days to wade through Abre Los Ojos, fell asleep several times to Raw Deal; all movies that I believe in another time or place would have set my serotonin a'splashin'.  Add in the painfully awful social work movies I've had to watch for my thesis, (Annie, The Education of Little Tree, Ladybird Ladybird (I see you starting to fall into a coma, imagine how I felt)) and you've had one depressed Aubrey, the blogger formerly known as a cinephile.

I was becoming desperate, when I stumbled upon the movies section of Hulu.  I was only vaguely familiar with the site prior to last night, and only knew that you could watch full-length movies for free because a prof of mine mentioned it in class last week.  Decided to check it, and had a full blown spiritual experience (hyperbole? me? never!).

Wolf is one of those movies that going in you know is going to be awful, but has just enough awful/awesome dichotomous potential that you give it a go anyway.  And quite the go it gave!

Although it drags a weensy bit in the middle, the acting and in particular the 'mise en scene' (yup, I just dropped that bomb about an early 90's werewolf movie with a cameo by David Schwimmer; you heard it here first) are strong throughout.  And the ending?  One of those wrap-ups that is so blatantly obvious from even the beginning, but still has you laughing out loud at yourself over how much you LUH it.  I stood up, placed my hand over my heart, and felt (sigh, dramatic pause)... renewed.  It's a crazy thing when the worst movie brings out the best in you (shed perfect tear....here.)

For all the components of this movie that were not surprising (Jack Nicolson plays a good crazy guy, Jack Nicolson plays a good hairy guy, Michelle Pfieffer plays a good pissed off hawt womyn, Michelle Pfieffer plays a good emotionally barren half naked pissed off hawt womyn), there are a few gems, one of which is seeing James Spader in the role he was born for.  Random awesome actors also include Richard Jenkins and David Hyde Pierce.

Um, hello?

What are you waiting for?

A full moon?

(Yeah, that was a really bad blog ending.  I couldn't help myself.)

(No, I have no intention of watching Watchmen nor ever speaking of it again. Shh.)

(We need to remember to sign our blogs, Ell, as to avoid instigating confusion in our one reader.  Her mental health is very important to me.)

-Aubrey, outro.

Oh, and I love Meryl Streep!

File under: Random Hot Mess

Author: Elliot

That's all. I keep forgetting to post anything about her despite your consistent reminders. Can't say I'm terribly excited to see her play Julia Child, but I'll still see it.

Do Not Watch the Watchmen

File under: In theatres

Author: Elliot

Question: What do you do with an outlandishly celebrated graphic novel which has been called unfilmable (by it's creator, no less) and has far too much self-important subtext to properly translate to film, least of all one single film? Well, if you're Zach Snyder, you don't really care, apparently. Let's not forget the inimitable director of don't-get-me-started-on-how-much-I-hated 300; with whom you're guaranteed an insurmountable number of pretty slow-motion shots which further self-actualize by erratically speeding up, unrealistic, if not laughable, sound effects, unnecessary emphasis on violence, flagrant racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. and out of context historical pandering....did I forget plot and character development? That's likely because Snyder did too.

My review of this film is easily summed up in one sentence, (but don't worry, single reader, I would never leave you with just one unless it was pages long): Political posturing and moral grandstanding, shot real purdy-like, all in order to masquerade a hollow story where even great character actors fall unremarkably flat. I suppose that's more of a fragment, but it'll suffice in the context of a review of Watchmen because the entire movie is made up of them. It would appear that Mr. Snyder was more perfunctorily interested in stuffing all of the various and fairly complicated (come on, it's a graphic novel) storylines and plot developments into one movie than creating something greater than the sum of its parts. The Silk Spectre(s) story could be a film in and of itself; a drunken mother who idolizes the man who brutalized her and would, subsequent to this event, become the father of her daughter who doesn't know of her paternal origins until after his death. But it's probably been done by better film makers.

Loosely, the story is based on conflicted and outlawed super heros circa 1985 who are insouciantly aware of an impending nuclear holocaust after the arms race seems to be taking a turn for the worst. A newly re-elected (for the third term after term limits are dropped) Richard Nixon has a symbolic and completely useless clock which determines nuclear threat levels, eerily similar to the color scheme used in contemporary American politics. These super heros are definitive anti-heros, fighting crime by means of pretty fighting or explosive telekinesis, but not exactly doing so for or at the behest of the population but more so for their own insular pathology. They're outlawed due to their own recklessness, bombs are coming, only one man (Dr. Manhattan) can save the planet from annihilation, yada yada, all culminating into a destruction unlike the world has ever seen, oh yeah, and disappointment. By the end of this nearly three hour joke one becomes just as ambivalent as the characters in the story.

The Rorschach character, played by the always-delightful unknown Jackie Earle Haley wasn't a terrible disappointment. Unforunately, though, his character had the Batman-esque grumble to it that becomes more of a distraction than an audible undergird to his character's depth of sociopathy. Every action movie has one line in it that is under no circumstances not going to come off as trite and remarkably camp, but he's able to pull it off with a crazed sincerity that downgrades it to tongue-in-cheek status, "I'm not locked up in here with you, you're locked up in here with me." He's violent as hell, and seems very much so only self-concerned.

Billy Crudup is a non-entity in this film as Dr. Manhattan, in every sense of the word. He's practically all animation except for a few requisite scenes explaining his nature and character, but as mentioned by other more apt reviewers, his voice is the most discernable of the cast, making him an appropriate choice for the part. Playing more of a spectre than anything, his disconcern with the fate of humanity under threat of nuclear war, and *spoiler* his complicity in allowing himself to be blamed for nuclear holocaust which kills 15 million + people seems transparent and forced instead of pathological nonchalance.

The Silk Spectre II character is an unfortunate incident with concern to the story she's supposed to carry. I can't say that it's necessarily due to incompetent acting ability on the part of Malin Akerman considering the script she was given. She leaves Crudup's Dr. Manhattan due to lack of interest on his part, goes to Patrick Wilson's cartoonishly bad Night Owl with very little discernable convalescence and eventually makes a desperate attempt at character development within the last fifteen minutes of an already overwrought two-hundred and forty five, give or take. Don't get me wrong, though, I am a complete sucker for a woman kicking some serious ass, as she does near seamlessly in spiked heels.

A few suggestions: cut the running time nearly in half by not doing so many slow-mo/fast-mo shots, it's unnecessary and replete with cinematic hubris. What was the deal with the Nixon character? What? Frank Langella wasn't available? He was practically a guy in a novelty Nixon mask with an even more accentuated nose. Cut the faux politics out of it. And was it really necessary to play every song for the movie in each's respective entirety?

Now I'm not trying to be quite as harsh about Mr. Snyder as this is coming off. He certainly has his place amongst the action-y and popcorn movie directors, I'd just lump him more in the Ratners' group rather than the Singers' or Del Toros'. Can't wait for whatever crapfest he puts out next so that I can shell out another $10 just to make myself feel better by writing about it here.

Did this review help? Yes or No (Circle one)

Aubrey, what are you hearing about this? Have you any intentions of becoming a watcher of the Watchmen yourself?

-Elliot P to the Patton.

WTF.

File under: Random hot mess

Author: Aubrey

I'm really flabbergasted at the Roots taking the gig of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon's house band.  This has absolutely nothing to do with film, but its concerning enough to be posted here.

That is all.