What Not To Watch!

Double Fiddy - With Jokes! Aubrey and Elliot post their top 50 films of the decade

2009-12-28T15:50:00.007-07:00

My, my, it's been a while, eh? Aubs and I decided that it's time to ramp up the ol' film blog again - by which we mean that we'll post this and come back in a few years to update - with our respective top 50 films of the decade list. In conceiving this idea we decided to simply come up with them on our own under the guise of mutual exclusivity so as not to implicate unto each other's list; no discussion between the two and see how they pan out. As I'm sure you're well aware I tend to be a bit more windy because of my neurotic insecurities and Aubrey tends to keep it puerile and salacious as usual.

So, when the accounts of our respective decades came to converge we were at turns somewhat surprised on several accounts - be it that she put one on hers that which I regret not having on mine/vice versa, or we were relieved to see questionable choices validated on the other side. So, without editing my previously written introduction, here are our lists - mine first, heh heh heh. (Ed. note: aesthetic editing be damned, get used to it)

What a wonderful bout of hibernation we've been in, eh? Yawn, stretch.
Coming to the close of the year - and the decade as well - lends itself to more self-indulgence from your least-hated and critically acclaimed and somewhat lauded critiquing duo, no?

So how the hell does anybody come up with this list? Yes, by insinuating one's own opinions on everyone else's lists! I get it! Now, obviously, I still haven't seen Norbit or Night at the Museum, or some actual contenders, but I think it's a pretty solid list. Without much unnecessary and hoary speech platitudes from myself, I give you Elliot's top 50 films of the decade; in alphabetical order, with jokes! (that you won't find funny). Feel free to comment on what I missed and/or what a pretentious clown I am at your discretion!

1. The 25th Hour (2002 - Spike Lee) - Mr. Lee gives the direction of a lifetime in Ed Norton's best role to date in an anti-redemptive story of a convicted drug dealer's last hours before serving his prison sentence.

2. 28 Days Later (2002 - Danny Boyle) - Years before Boyle gave us insulting Oscar bait he was able to direct a stunning parable that brought life back to the dead horse killed by the likes of Romero.

3. Amelie (Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain to you!) (2001 - Jean-Pierre Jeunet) - I dare anybody not to love this movie. Stupendously inventive cinematography and film editing that would make a lesser film's plot direction and story arc's inferiority glare, but everything compliments everything else in this wonderful film.

4. Bad Education (2004 - Pedro Almodovar) - Almodovar seems to reinvent his own formulaic film with each successive installment. This won't be the only time he's on this list.

5. Brokeback Mountain (2005 - Ang Lee) - A gay cowboy story this is not...even though it's primary focus is a pair of homosexual cowboys. Ang Lee puts the cerebral where it normally wouldn't be and slops it around our brains until there's nothing but a loose approximation of what previously lie there - soupcon!

6. Cache (Hidden) (2005 - Michael Haneke) - Mr. Haneke has always had a good head on his shoulders when he feels compelled to torment his audience (see: Funny Games, The Piano Teacher, et al) but this one makes the punishment so much more palpable that you can almost hear him laughing at you from behind the director's chair. Whether you 'get' the ending or not, this gem is not to be missed.

7. Children of Men (2006 - Alfonso Cuaron) - There were a boatload of films that took on apocalyptic themes this decade; none did it so brilliantly and with a love of art-as-film as this one. The tireless tracking shots alone are enough to love this movie, but Clive Owen, Julianne Moore and the lovely Claire-Hope Ashitey take it to a level that combines love, lust and occipital-lobe pornography to take it a few breathtaking steps forward.

8. Closer (2004 - Mike Nichols) - The movie that convinced me Natalie Portman can actually act, as long as her role is conflated with a strong cast and brutally sadistic themes undergirding the whole project. Clive Owen shows us his chops are up to par with the best of them, and I didn't want to gouge my eyes out every time Julia Roberts was on screen, a miracle in and of itself.

9. Cold Mountain (2003 - Anthony Minghella) - A movie that was capable of actually putting an Oscar statue in Renee Zellweger's hands deserves much more praise than this one got. An historically accurate portrayal of Confederates (and their defenders) grappling with the impending loss of the Civil War, the little known Home Guard soldiers, and loss of the ever fleeting last chances of love. Nicole Kidman reminds us all that she's not an overpaid hack and if you need to be reminded as to why Jude Law has a career I encourage you to revisit this gem.

10. The Constant Gardener (2005 - Fernando Meirelles) - The subtlety of this movie is most understood at its most jarring (most notably, the post-pregnancy scene in the hospital, you know the one) but the greater nuance here is the gritty yet stylishly elegant performance by Rachel Weisz that, thankfully, was not lost on the Academy.

11. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000 - Ang Lee) - Another bromide that you'll no doubt find on every top 50 list that isn't deliberately contrarian, nothing more I can add that won't result in diminishing returns.

12. Death To Smoochy (2002 - Danny DeVito) - No joking here, folks, Ed Norton as a children’s TV show rhino with a plot that you'd more expect out of the porn industry - but I suppose they're mirrored in many ways.

13. The Descent (2006 - Neil Marshal) - Horror always gets the hose in the banality of top film portentions (yes, a made up word). This one makes the grade for relentless paroxysms of claustrophobia that actually tease the audience deeper in its own world instead of shunning it away with calamitous clichés or over-wrought parabolic themes. Avoid the American revision as it’s the small things that make the movies.

14. The Devil's Rejects (2005 - Rob Zombie) - Two horror films in a row? How auspicious. What House of 1000 Corpses missed is batted out of the park here by keeping the film grounded without pandering to effusive ideals or, once again, silly clichés. Zombie found his footing here and we're hoping he holds on for dear life. We want him, even more so, to stop any focus on the music scene and bring us more Captain Spalding!

15. Le Scaphandre et le papillon (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) (2007 - Julian Schnabel) - Based on the true story of a French magazine editor who succumbs to a rare debilitating disease in where he's only form of communication is by blinking his left eye. Arguably the best cinematography and use of film stock in a release this decade from one of the most prodigious artists of our time.

16. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004 - Michel Gondry) - Tempted as I was to leave this off my list it's too big a brute to sanctimoniously ignore. I'd watch Kate Winslet read the newspaper and love it, not to mention that if it's possible to make a watchable movie with Jim Carrey then it deserves every last possible accolade it can garner.

17. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus (2006 - Steven Shainberg) - Robert Downey Jr. delivers the beginning of his legitimate comeback next to the never-better Nicole Kidman; another pervasively subtle film that won't release you from its grip any time soon after initial viewing.

18. Gangs of New York (2002 - Martin Scorsese) - The film that made me finally understand the popularity and utterly great acting of Leonardo DiCaprio. Scorsese does his usual hammy approach to a story that, without such great acting, scoring and camera work would otherwise be petty and indifferent to a harrowing chapter in American history.

19. Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (2000 - Jim Jarmusch) - Jarmusch brings a seemingly laughable title and makes it into the understatement of his career. He doesn't worry about pandering to an uptight bourgeoisie art crowd as many of his others do, he makes a bleak attempt at a divulging a rare art in a city that antiquates it by the day. Forrest Whitaker also begins his streak toward an Oscar - not too shabby.

20. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001 - John Cameron Mitchel) - Did everybody forget that this movie came out this decade? The musical that makes it less embarrassingly fun to like musicals; Hedwig follows a young man whose botched transgender surgery (to cross the Berlin Wall) has him stuck in limbo and mirroring a popular synth-pop act with an act all her own also has one of the best soundtracks of the decade.

21. The Host (2006 - Joon-ho Bong) - With a funny name like that he's bound to make a good film! Hilarious, engaging, unbelievably believable visual effects with a not-so-masqueraded story line about American exceptionalism and gluttony becoming a monster unto the world. That part doesn't matter, the bond created between the central family and their inevitable encounter with this parasite makes for a rollicking-good time for the whole family.

22. The Hours (2002 - Stephen Daldry) - Combining the best ensemble cast I can recall, with stunning performances from everyone involved (including an Oscar win for the third-mentioned yet Nicole Kidman) likely would have put The Hours in the top five of the list.

23. House of Flying Daggers (2004 - Yimou Zhang) - What could have easily been interpreted as a scant off-shoot of Crouching Tiger...House takes special care to not repeat simple themes of redemption and regret to create an entirely unique - visually and thematically - vision of warring factions in late 9th century China.

24. The Hurt Locker (2009 - Kathryn Bigelow) - After years of studios releasing trite films attempting to sentimentalize, defend, abhor, et al, the war in Iraq, Bigelow scores very big by trimming all that out and simply focusing on a day in the life of an EOD unit's last few weeks of deployment. Jeremy Renner is a revelation here, aside from the American bad-ass hokey ending it's the best war movie of the decade.

25. Il y a longtemps que je t'aime (I've Loved You So Long) (2008 - Phillipe Claudel) - Kristen Scott Thomas gives a heart-wrenching and surreal performance as a woman recently released to her sister's custody after 10 year stint in prison for none other than killing her own son - in her second language, mind you. For shame, Academy.

26. Innocent Voices (2004 - Luis Mandoki) - One of two movies on this list grappling with the consequences of the Salvadorian civil war in the mid-eighties is based on a true story centered on a young boy who must choose between indentured servitude to the Salvadorian army or joining his uncle in a guerilla organization against their intended oppressors. Heart wrenching? Check. Wonderfully performed by a group of unknown child-actors? Check. Hot matriarch? Double check.

27. Kill Bill, Vol. 2 (2004 - Quentin Tarantino) - I'm likely in a lonely camp if I were to say that this is Tarantino's best, but it simply is. Dialogue rich and ideally keen to that notion it brings us back to Tarantino's earlier work where he lets the characters present the story for him without subversively bragging to us that we know, no matter what, that he knows film better than most.

28. Kontroll (2004 - Nimrod Antal) - That the film-makers had to get unprecedented permits to film entirely and exclusively in the Budapest subway system is of no surprise here, what they did with this prodigious experience will stick with you long after the lights come up.

29. La Vie en Rose (2007 - Olivier Dahan) - The movie that put Marion Cotillard on the map, and won her an Oscar to boot. Normally bio-pics tend to suffer from their own tacky sentimentality or cynicism, this one, if any, is one of the most incandescent straight-shots of them all.

30. Lady Vengeance (2005 - Chan-wook Park) - The third installment of the vengeance trilogy from the man who can bring cerebral film making and painstakingly visceral realism to stunning lofts is also one of the most disturbing pieces of film in recent history.

31. Little Children (2006 - Todd Field) - Kate Winslet carries a movie that is sardonically understood as being somewhat sarcastic (the overly monotonous narration) surprisingly genuine (all acting performances in general, shout out to Jackie Earl Haley) and beautifully crafted down to the last detail makes for one of the best films of a generation.

32. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-2003 - Peter Jackson) - I would rather prefer to separate these three but they're so loyal the books and contiguous to each other that it's just not right to do so. The trilogy of the decade turned out to be the most fruitful and rewarding (as opposed to the Matrix sequels and to an even lesser extent Pirates). They said it couldn't be done, but Jackson proved that even with oft-mediocre acting that this is a story appropriate for anything you can amalgamate it with.

33. Man on Wire (2008 - James Marsh) - The best documentary to hit the screen since...well, I don't know. Please see last year's interlocution with Aubrey from the Oscars section.

34. Maria Full of Grace (2004 - Joshua Marsten) - One of the first, if not the first, times that the Academy recognized an undeniably brilliant performance from a very little-known foreign lead actress (Catalina Sandino Moreno). A novice drug mule reconciles life-threatening choices to change a life that would otherwise be equally endangered.

35. Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005 - Miranda July) - "Back and forth, forever." If you don't know what that is referencing then go see this movie immediately. Nuff said.

36. Mullholland Drive (2001 - David Lynch) - Naomi Watts' breakthrough performance in David Lynch's most compelling yet not quite understandable movie to date makes for a brilliant romance, a nuanced horror story and a wonderfully engaging waltz through the art of film making. Lynch will be considered ahead of his time for the rest of his career.

37. Oldboy (2003 - Chan-wook Park) - Oft noted as the best of Park's three complimentary vengeance films which creates a world for a man incomparably frustrated after waking up in a cell, and kept there for 15 years for reasons unbeknownst to him. You can feel his unfettered pain as he find out why - and it's a doozy of a resolve.

38. The Orphanage (2007 - Juan Antonio Bayona) - What could have easily become a cheap attempt at shamelessly exploiting fear of 'evil' children, in actuality, turned into this beginner film-crew's masterpiece about a young boy gone missing from his parents in a long-abandoned orphanage in Spain. I promise you won't see this end coming.

39. The Queen (2007 - Steven Frears) - Helen Mirren's acting here is other-worldly, the film itself is a goldmine of luxuriant pleasure that you can't help but fall in love with immediately while watching what could feel like a fly-on-the-wall perspective of Queen Elizabeth II and newly elected Prime Minister, Tony Blair (the ebullient Michael Sheen), grappling with the aftermath of their homeland's most beloved mistress since Queen Elizabeth, Princess Di.

40. Requiem for a Dream (2000 - Darren Aronofsky) - If Pi is what put Aronofsky on the map, Requiem is what burned that map to ash. Be prepared to need three or four showers by the end, and remember why it is that we love Ellen Burstyn as much as we do in a monologue that would make the coldest of us shiver.

41. Sin Nombre (2009 - Cary Fukunaga) - The Levi's Jeans director shocked me with this. Refer back to my review of this in May - best foreign film I've seen this year.

42. Sunshine (2007 - Danny Boyle) - Once again Boyle shows us that he doesn't just Oscarbate with one of the most visually stunning FX-heavy films I've ever seen. The premise is undeniably implausible, but this film lovingly pays homage to other sci-fi films without deference and creates a world that we really want to root for.

43. Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (2002 - Chan-wook Park) - The first installment in the vengeance trilogy from Park is a hard one to deny on any level. Come for the camera work, but stay for the narrative.

44. Hable Con Ella (Talk to Her) (2002 - Pedro Almodovar) - Almodovar does his best dialogue work to date with the film that won him his Oscar for best original screenplay. A man falls in love with a comatose woman only to find out that there are consequences to fetishist fulfillment.

45. There Will Be Blood (2007 - Paul Thomas Anderson) - Epic in scope and monumental in application. No, it's not a tampon, its P.T. Anderson's best movie yet, and he'll not likely encroach on these high lofts for a long time. Daniel-Day Lewis wins his second Oscar by playing a sociopathic, narcissist oil man who will stop at nothing to get to the top.

46. Traffic (2000 - Steven Soderbergh) - Being named on several accounts as the director of the decade began with one of the best of his career - no, I'm not talking about Ocean's 13 - Traffic traces an epoch of an addict who's father happens to be the United States Drug Czar. Michael Douglas reminds us that he's still a force to be reckoned with and Topher Grace shows some chops with a performance that changed the way we think about his entire career.

47. Transamerica (2005 - Duncan Tucker) - Felicity Huffman gets the role of a lifetime as a man recently having undergone transgendered surgery to become a woman, then finds out that she has a vagrant, tagalong son. At turns hilarious and heart-breaking this film will make anybody smile by the end.

48. The Triplets of Belleville (2003 - Sylvain Chomet) - Simply put, the best animated film I've ever seen. Beautifully crafted without any of the bells and whistles of computer 3G animation or hackneyed 3D to masquerade a tired or flat plot. This wondrous film tackles some pretty turgid themes (human trafficking, underground gambling, murder...) but somehow manages to keep it light, kind-spirited and laugh-out-loud funny.

49. Unfaithful (2002 - Adrian Lyne) - Diane Lane puts forth her best performance as a capriciously adulterous wife while the simmering brew of Richard Gere is unlike anything he's done this decade. The ending won't throw you for a loop, but the look of it will.

50. The Wrestler (2008 - Darren Aronofsky) - As mentioned previously as one of the most salient Oscar omissions of the year, The Wrestler takes a story of failed redemption and turns it into something transcendent in its own sense of irony. Mickey Rourke turns in the best performance of his career and, with little doubt, will rejuvenate his career toward higher ambitions than one circumstantial comeback.

Instead of going over the list with a fine-tooth comb (did I really put Unfaithful in there?) I think I'm just going to leave it at that. Aubs? Whatcha got?

Aubrey would like to note: "can you also say something about how i'm lazy for not putting the year/director next to mine, but that if the audience is too lazy to just imdb it for that info, that's their problem." Suck it, lazy bastards. And now, Aubs' intro and list.

Here is my list, not of the “best” films of the decade, but rather my favorites. I invite you to carefully ponder the difference, because had I written a “best of” list, it likely would have looked a little different, and may I add, a lot better. These are not the movies that I think are the objective crème-de-la-crème at the finest restaurant, but rather the subjective goodies in the junk food aisle at the gas station (although many fit into both categories simultaneously). These are the movies that grabbed me and smacked me around a little, made me pee with laughter or cry with misery… or pee with misery and cry with laughter, or at least not get distracted by all the other shiny objects within grasp. These are the ones I want to rewatch, over and over and over, and have and will. These are the ones that I couldn’t stop thinking about, or recommending, or IMDBing. I purposefully eschewed some of the more obvious 5 star “Best Of” movies that I do also love on a personal level, such as Pan’s Labyrinth, City of God or Eternal Sunshine, because they have already shown up on so many lists elsewhere. So without further adieu, my Fifty Favorites, in alphabetical order.

1. 25^th Hour- As a general fan of Spike Lee, the combination of his vision of New York and hottie Ed Norton’s ability to dig into his roles frighteningly deep manifests as his latter-day masterpiece.

2. (500) Days of Summer: even though I hate Zooey Deschanel’s big gooey kewpie eyes, trendy indie cred and even the ridiculous spelling of her name, I loved this movie. She plays the perfect girl you love to hate, especially if you‘ve ever been strung along and dumped by the girl you hate to love. This one struck a nerve for me.

3. Bad Education: oh Almodovar, you never let me down. I’ll never hear “moon river” the same way again. Gael Garcia Bernal begins to show his range.

4. Ballast: this one pulled on my heart like the dead weight its title implies, although I’m still pondering the multitude of meanings behind its moniker to this day. Haunting and sparse and sad and beautiful, it is a portrait of an America both lost and found.

5. Best in Show: um, hello? Parker Posey and dogs. I don’t need to explain this one.

6. The Bridge: there is nothing as disturbing as the cognitive dissonance resulting in actually watching real people commit real suicide on film over and over and over again. The ethical issues that arise with just filming and producing this one in of themselves make it fascinating.

7. Control: although I’m not at all a fan of Joy Division (believe me, I’ve tried), the blacks and whites of Corbijn’s palette sucked me and spit me back out.

8. Coraline: a must-see in 3D that loses some of its magic in 2D but none of its moxie. I was consistently impressed from first frame to last with Selleck’s choices of how to adapt (and what to change) in Neil Gaiman’s literary fantasy. A mirror for every bored only-child, including me.

9. Day Night Day Night: this one just chilled me to the bone. I walked out of the theatre and didn’t quite know how to go back to real life. I guess I managed…eventually. Out of all the terrorism films I liked this decade (The War Within, Paradise Now, etc.) this was my favorite by leaps and bounds.

10. Devil’s Rejects, The: Oh Robbie, your gory nasty filth fest is just what the doctor ordered. Speaking of ordering, I should order the soundtrack on Amazon right now. Don’t show this one to grandma.

11. Dirty Love: remember when I said this wasn’t a “Best Movies” list? As they say, there’s no accounting for taste! This movie is horrible…ly funny. Never you mind that it made the Razzie’s 10 Worst list, it remains firmly here for me.

12. Fall, The: As soon as I saw this movie on dvd, I knew I needed to buy a blu-ray player. The title sequence alone deserves an award.

13. Far From Heaven: Julianne Moore in 50s garb and a closet-case hubby. Cook up a pot of fondue and go swimming in it.

14. Finding Nemo- just simple, sweet fun. Everyone has seen this, with good reason.

15. Frida- this imaginative portrait of one of my favorite artists is what made her one of my favorite portraiture artists to begin with. Perfectly cast, pitch perfect tone.

16. Ghost Dog- samurais and gangsters and mobsters oh my.

17. Death Proof: a car movie for girls, crisp and popping with Tarantino’s dialogue that we all have come to love… as only a mother could.

18. Grizzly Man: watching crazy people is fun! In general not a huge fan of Herzog, but this one got to me.

19. Host, The- best monster movie….ever? yup. Wrap me up in your warm tentacles and rock me to sleep.

20. I’ve Loved You So Long: Scott-Thomas’ performance and a solid series of directorial decisions made this linger in my brain long after. A quiet and nuanced force.

21. Inglourious Basterds: I honestly didn’t expect to like this at all, and was frankly scared by my own blood-lust during the final scene. And just when I thought the Nazi genre movie was (finally!) dead, Tarantino does it different, and better, and best. Suck it, Schindler.

22. Jesus Camp: it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me speak in tongues my priest wouldn’t approve of.

23. Jesus is Magic: (twas the decade for “Jesus” movies apparently, although Jesus’ Son didn’t make the list) The one liners from Sarah Silverman’s comedic genius are permanently tattooed in my brain. Although I could do without the song-and-dance numbers, the actual standup portion is the chronic, yo.

24. King of Kong, The: my vote for the decade’s absolute best-yet-little-known documentary. How did a movie about gaming nerds make me shed a little tear at the end? It just (sob, weep, snort) did.

25. Kissing Jessica Stein: my favorite gay movie, which I like even more when people insist that it isn’t “really” because she isn’t “really”. Adorable acting, adorable dialogue. A good staying-home-sick-in-pajamas movie.

26. Kontroll- kickass foray into the Budapest subway system, rife with murders, marauders, and bunny costumes.

27. Laramie Project, The: I’m not even going to qualify this one, except to say that I have never been able to get all the way though without crying, which I guess makes me kinda gay, but in the good way. Plus, I love me some Ricci.

28. Little Children: an inverted fairytale with two (well, three) yummy leads and that guy who narrates Frontline and NOVA as the Man Behind the Curtain here as well.

29. Man on Wire- I couldn’t let my favorite movie from 2008 be absent from this list. It sounds so cheesy to describe this film as evidence of the triumph of the human spirit, but it’s just too true. It’s movies like this that remind me to be grateful simply to be alive and able to witness such feats.

30. Manderlay: and in addition, its predecessor, Dogville. Too smart to even comprehend, but I want to.

31. Maria Full of Grace: after watching this movie, Elliot and I just looked at each other and whispered “whoooaaaaaaa”. It’s one of THOSE.

32. May- for anyone who ever felt like an outcast, this bizarre little fairytale is right up your alley.

33. Me and You and Everyone We Know- I fully admit to and own that this movie is really obnoxious, sort of in the same way Zooey Deschanel is obnoxious, but I almost (okay did) peed myself laughing at the “back and forth forever” part. It’s an annoying movie, but it has its charms.

34. Mean Girls- I would like to take this opportunity to publically offer my hand in marriage to Tina Fey.

35. Mulholland Drive- not explaining this one.

36. Orphanage, The- classified as “horror”, this consistently gorgeous film is so much more than its genre would imply.

37. Old Boy- the wackiest part of the “revenge” trilogy, not for the squeamish.

38. Quid Pro Quo- I said it last year and I’ll say it again…well, actually I won’t. Just go look at what I said last year.

39. Ring, The- even though now it’s fairly easy to make fun of now, this is the only scary movie that ever really scared me. Plus Naomi Watts always gets five stars in my book, on looks alone of course.

40. Save the Last Dance- shut up, I don’t want to hear it okay? Even though you won’t admit it, we both know the dance sequence at the end gave you chills.

41. Sea Inside, The- an impassioned plea for the right to end one’s own life with dignity in place of suffering, the cinematography in this one helps to transform an otherwise borderline boring topic into something worth fighting for.

42. Secretary- I’m sort of wishy washy on how well this one stands the test of time, but the feeling I got upon the first viewing was nothing short of nasty bewilderment. Twisted, depraved, and Maggie Gyllenhall looking about twelve years old.

43. Sita Sings the Blues- you’ve never seen anything like this. I can’t even give it a proper introduction. Find, watch, love. Repeat.

44. Spirited Away- I went back and forth over whether or not to include this, since it is on sooo many Best Of lists, but considering it is the only anime movie I can even stand (let alone really like), I decided to keep it.

45. Swimming Pool- a brain twister requiring multiple viewings, a shining example of the Froggie “Huh?” ending.

46. Synechdoche, New York- loved it because it made me feel intellectually superior, and if you didn’t love it, you are automatically inferior. So there.

47. Talk to Her- no, I’m serious, call her up, and have a little chat. My first introduction to Almodovar holds a special place in my heart.

48. Unfaithful- half trashy porny romp in which Diane Lane has never looked hotter, half serious pensive meditation on the bonds of marriage, in which Richard Gere has never looked mopier.

49. Volver-my mouth waters just thinking about Penelope Cruz’s……cooking. Damn, Pedro, this decade sure was good to you!

50. Waking Life- aside from some really cool rotoscope animation and an interesting (if long winded) introduction into lucid dreaming, the real reason I like this one is the same as #46.

Sin Nombre - Mo' Betta Off Dead

2009-05-11T15:51:00.002-06:00

File Under: I’m at the fucking Houston airport, George Bush International (natch) and doing this instead of going into The Fox News Channel Store.

Author: Elliot

Hay Aub, long time no hear from. This is going to have to be one of those where I only review one film because I feel so compelled. Aside from a few compulsory yawners (X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek) this is the one that's still kept a grip on me, and it's been a week since I've seen it. I know you heard me rant about this movie while you were enjoying the many benefits bestowed upon you by The Haunting In Connecticut, or while you were brazenly chatting about how excited you are for Chris Columbus’ adaptation of the Nobel Prize winning I Love You, Beth Cooper, but I wanted to grant my reader(s?) the chance to hear about it as well. After reading your (surprising) criticism of Gomorra I honestly think that you'll be pleasantly surprised with this one.

I’ve come to realize it’s categorically appropriate that I was first introduced to the film Sin Nombre as a trailer in waiting for the film Gomorra. You may have read my fragment on the latter, a wondrous if not perilous chronicling into the world of organized crime in Italy as various factions brutally struggle for vast sums of money in a land where destitution created by such endeavors rules the day. Despite many glaring parallels between these two films, the stark contrast with Sin Nombre is not that it’s a struggle for money, it’s a struggle for local authority and for the self-preservation of life.

Not knowing very much Spanish, myself, I had to generously suspend much of my disbelief in regard to the dialogue as I simply find it hard to believe that the levels of indoctrination foretold here can have such an all-encompassing cognitive effect as to use the word “homey” so seriously and so often, but then again I also have an understanding of said indoctrination as to believe that a nine year old would shoot his only genuine friend to death in order to gain recognition amongst his gang’s higher ups for fear of losing his life as well. I’m sure there was some Spanish equivalent they were using that has just as much of a laughable effect; goes to show you how much I actually know about thug lyfe.

The story begins, innocently enough, with a young man in Mexico around the age of sixteen or so named Willy, nicknamed Casper (played with such careful and wistful beauty by Edgar Flores it was often difficult to think that he was just acting) by the gang to which he belongs: MS-13; being the gang of Salvadorian descent which has been well known to infiltrate the United States after requiring refugee status as a result of a decades long civil war. MS-13 is widely known as one of the most far-reaching and violently dangerous illegal organizations in the western world. This film subtly yet wonderfully details that participation is not necessarily the choice of the participant, and if it is then the other choice is likely to live in fear of another sort. Casper has a young friend named Smiley who does jobs for MS, mostly petty theft of small electronics to sell for cash. As it turns out that Smiley does such a good job for the gang, the leader of the local faction, known as Lil’ Mago (a decisively brilliant and psychopathic Tenoch Huerta Mejía) decides that it’s time the youngster be initiated into the gang by being beaten in for 13 very long seconds, innocently enough. Lil’ Mago is played with such an intense psychopathic tenacity by Mejía that he easily reminds one of a tyrant running an entire nation as opposed to a local, if not per capita violent, gang.

The second tier of the story is one that is less chilling, yet paradoxically more distressing about a Honduran girl named Sayra, whose father has reappeared for the first time in (what is gleaned) a very long time, in order to illegally transport her to New Jersey in hopes of a more prosperous life in a more prosperous surrounding, (he must not be familiar with Jersey).

Without giving too much away, the two primary story lines have Sayra and Casper meeting in auspiciously redemptive circumstances in which Casper must decide to leave the gang which has appropriated much more loyalty than it has given, a task not exactly smiled upon by his contemporaries. What follows is a thriller, love story and drama that on the surface is supposed to morally eschew the practices and beliefs of gang activity, but underneath acknowledges its ubiquity and is a coming of age story in the all too familiar epoch of immigration, an age reached much too soon for all parties involved, that doesn’t pander to the tacky throwbacks and pitiful sentimentality of most coming of age stories.

Initially I was perplexed and even a little perturbed by the complete lack of authority other than that within MS-13; being either parental or municipally commissioned authority figures. However, after brief analysis I have come to acknowledge that any sort of parental or official authority is not only superfluous in a film of this scope, but is necessarily non-existent in reality as well. As this chronicle of death and disparity is foretold, we are sucked into a world that is not only genuinely terrifying but uniquely understated within contemporary American cognition, and I can’t get enough of it.

Aubrey, I also can’t even begin to tell you how beautifully discordant the bombastic, yes, beautifully bombastic score was. It was audible dissonance to the visually disturbing, my Sonny to your Cher, your mom to my dad, I really think you’re gonna like it and I certainly hope that I haven’t blown it up too much for you here.

How was Haunting? Are we gonna quit our jobs and go wait in line for two weeks for Harry Potter and the Suspiciously Incestuous? How about this week’s J.J. Abrams helmed Star Trek, you in?

Elliot.

Week in Review-Aubrey

2009-05-10T16:00:00.007-06:00

Elliot and I have decided to try a new format for the blog; more of a "week in review" style in which we will list all that we've watched in the previous week (or all that we care to 'fess up to) with a shortish blurb for each, instead of our long loquacious essays of the past (except unless a film really requires more). Plus maybe a Pick of the Week highlighting the best of the best, or the best of the worst as it may be.

So, without further ado,

Aubrey: Week in Review, May 4-10

Gomorrah (2009):

I'm going to go ahead and disrespectfully disagree with Elliot on this one. I too, was looking forward to this, despite my usual dislike of mobster movies. I went with Boo, who normally loves mob movies, and we were both pretty disappointed. It was nicely shot, and had its moments (the storyline Ell mentioned of the two teenage boys is the only thing that really sustained any interest at all for me- if that subplot had instead been expanded to a whole movie I would have probably liked it much more), but was overall a dud. What Ell found to be deliciously detached cinema verite just struck me as boring and too disconnected. About 30 minutes of good solid storytelling out of 2 hours of meandering nonsense does not a "What To Watch" for me make. Grade: 2.5/5

The Haunting in Connecticut (2009):

The pro's: Virgie Madsen. The con's: everything else. This was perhaps the worst horror film I've seen in a long time, and that's saying a lot. Remember how hilarious the increasingly decomposed corpse/best friend in An American Werewolf in London was? Well, that guy (or someone looking suspiciously like him) is in this movie too, but here, he's supposed to be....scary? Mmm, nope. If you want something about a big scary house with a dark past, a sick child and a hot mom, check out The Orphanage instead. Grade: 1/5

The Devil's Backbone (2001):

"What Not To Watch Blog" favorite Guillermo del Toro helms this little gem, backed by Pedro Almodovar. Strong shooting, script and cast, this film's meditation on war, death and salvation (yeah, I know, I know. What film isn't a meditation on war, death and salvation these days) all told through the eyes of a young boy, a ghost and a one-legged revolutionary orphanage matron is definitely What To Watch. Grade: 4/5

Pick of the Week

The Fall (2006): The whole time I was watching this film, I kept thinking that the visuals were strikingly similar to those of The Cell (which I love); turns out they are directed by the same Tarsem Singh, a man known for selling eye-candy out the back of his van. Although The Fall isn't nearly as perverse as The Cell, it is just as engaging. It's been a long time since I could turn off the little critic in my head and enjoy a film for simply what it is, but this story-within-a-story (think of the device used in Neverending Story) allowed for just that. Set against a lush 1920s backdrop, the storyline flits back and forth between the reality of two patients' experiences in a hospital and a make believe world of masked bandits, dredlocked mystics and a young Charles Darwin himself's (see pic above) search for an elusive breed of butterfly. The opening credits sequence alone is mindblowing. And guess what? Not an ounce of CGI: it's all real. If you have Blu-ray capability, this is will be the creme-de-la-cream your pants. Grade: 5/5

Also watched this week: BASEketball (yeah, yeah, yeah SHUT UP), and The Foot Fist Way (moderately phun if you've ever been in tae kwon do, not sure if people can relate otherwise cuz it is pretty awful, considering).

-Aub

Rumination On Recent Random Viewings - Mobsters and Vampires and Zombies, Oh My!

2009-04-21T10:45:00.009-06:00

File Under: Whatever you want
Author: Elliot

As of late I have been significantly delinquent in my film watching, as of late. But fear not, dear reader, I still have my usual pithy and self-important input for your insatiable needs. A few brief notes on movies, fairly recent, that have been taken in by yours truly.

Gomorra

I was jonesin' pretty bad to see Gomorra for quite some time. For some strange reason I was not turned off by the fact that Martin Scorsese brought this gem over stateside; I normally can't stand it when a famous American director produces a product from overseas to be screened in the USA, mostly because it seems like a passive form of narcissism in which said director simply wants to show off that they have good taste in obscure film (I'm looking at you, Quentin Tarantino). However, I can't imagine ever saying anything disparaging about this excellent film. It was incredible, actually, no heroes, all victims, cut and dry in that they shove the reality of what organized crime is in your face without any of the hubris of glamorizing it such as your typical mafioso films. Goodfellas, Casino, The Godfather Trilogy, none of them have anything on this film straight from the cold depths of Naples, Italy. The calm yet strikingly unstable relationship beheld by a fashion designer and his producer, the young grocery delivery boy and his aspirations for a criminal life that pervades his every surrounding, and the two teenagers with similar aspirations but far more brazen techniques with a predictably unfortunate fate all strike a chilling sense of verisimilitude in how this existence is genuinely led.

Grade: A-. Aside from sometimes butchered cinematography, this is what to watch.

Let The Right One In

I'll be honest, I didn't finish it. I plan on it, I'm simply not in the rush that I was after getting roughly an hour into it. Shot in a remarkably stoic fashion, this movie actually seems to bring a fortuitous sense of ennui to horrific violence. Pale as a mannequin Oskar is an outcast who's bullied at school, (I blame the awful hair) who is befriended by a seemingly new resident in his housing community named Eli. Turns out Eli's a vampire over the age of one hundred and is trapped (?) in the body of a twelve year old girl. Sounds like perfect jail-bait for a good ol' romcom but for the frigid feeling of the overall scheme. In one of Eli's debut scenes she's cowering under a bridge only to attract the attention of her next meal, an unfortunate soul walking home from a gathering at a local dive. Together, Oskar and Eli are to presumably come about the gruesome murders happening in their town (that guy is dope, I'll have to get back to you when I finish) and overcome his bullies. Oskar has an affinity for pantomiming his revenge on an inanimate tree outside of his house with a knife, curious if he'll end up doing something similar to his antagonists.

Grade (so far): C+. Let The Right One In just isn't the right one for me so far.

Editor's note: After having finished LTRON (word.) I did find several redemptive qualities (that I won't spoil here) after the very slow beginning and have decided to upgrade its status to a B.

Quarantine

Time for some fun. The handicam horror genre (if you can call it that) hasn't really evolved much since its origin The Blair Witch Project (if you can call that the origin), however it can still be entertaining as long as J.J. Abrams isn't at the helm. I believe that a significant reason that I was impressed with this film is that I went in expecting a very bad film, instead I got a reasonable excuse to waste some time. Full disclosure, I was particularly inebriated while viewing this one so that may have had an affect as well. A remarkably unbelievable television reporter is on assignment to cover a night shift with the local fire department. A seemingly innocuous call from a nearby apartment building sets the alarms off and they're on their way to save a kitten from a tree, and then that kitten eats them. Okay, not really, but there's a nasty and murderous beast in the building that they come to find out too late. The building is almost immediately sealed off by police outside, cell phones are blocked and they're left on their own. SPOILER: it doesn't have a happy ending for our unfortunate yet obnoxious protagonist, which actually made the movie for me. They didn't go the way of The Descent for American audiences and have her escape, the cover poster for the movie is actually the last scene, nuff said.

Grade: C+. Yes, I said I enjoyed it but I've never before felt physically ill from cinematography and the dialogue was atrocious, even for a film of this ilk.

Aub, I know you're busy with a silly thesis (BOREENG), but what have you gotten into recently?
-El

A sigh of relief

2009-03-14T20:19:00.009-06:00

File under: From the vault

Author: Aubrey

Q: What do you get when you mix the most marvelously random cast with an embarrassingly cliched script, scornfully outdated special effects and a crappy, spotty download stream?

A: My faith in film restored.

As Elliot will attest, I've been really really scared lately. A dark cloud of movie malaise has recently descended upon me, causing a deeply felt sense of ambivalence/insouciance/ennui regarding every film I've seen over the past several weeks (which have also markedly decreased in number due to this befallen illness; I'm so far behind on my 365 movies-this-year goal it's ouchy). I've yawned through The Searchers, took 4 days to wade through Abre Los Ojos, fell asleep several times to Raw Deal; all movies that I believe in another time or place would have set my serotonin a'splashin'. Add in the painfully awful social work movies I've had to watch for my thesis, (Annie, The Education of Little Tree, Ladybird Ladybird (I see you starting to fall into a coma, imagine how I felt)) and you've had one depressed Aubrey, the blogger formerly known as a cinephile.

I was becoming desperate, when I stumbled upon the movies section of Hulu. I was only vaguely familiar with the site prior to last night, and only knew that you could watch full-length movies for free because a prof of mine mentioned it in class last week. Decided to check it, and had a full blown spiritual experience (hyperbole? me? never!).

Wolf is one of those movies that going in you know is going to be awful, but has just enough awful/awesome dichotomous potential that you give it a go anyway. And quite the go it gave!

Although it drags a weensy bit in the middle, the acting and in particular the 'mise en scene' (yup, I just dropped that bomb about an early 90's werewolf movie with a cameo by David Schwimmer; you heard it here first) are strong throughout. And the ending? One of those wrap-ups that is so blatantly obvious from even the beginning, but still has you laughing out loud at yourself over how much you LUH it. I stood up, placed my hand over my heart, and felt (sigh, dramatic pause)... renewed. It's a crazy thing when the worst movie brings out the best in you (shed perfect tear....here.)

For all the components of this movie that were not surprising (Jack Nicolson plays a good crazy guy, Jack Nicolson plays a good hairy guy, Michelle Pfieffer plays a good pissed off hawt womyn, Michelle Pfieffer plays a good emotionally barren half naked pissed off hawt womyn), there are a few gems, one of which is seeing James Spader in the role he was born for. Random awesome actors also include Richard Jenkins and David Hyde Pierce.

Um, hello?

What are you waiting for?

A full moon?

(Yeah, that was a really bad blog ending. I couldn't help myself.)

(No, I have no intention of watching Watchmen nor ever speaking of it again. Shh.)

(We need to remember to sign our blogs, Ell, as to avoid instigating confusion in our one reader. Her mental health is very important to me.)

-Aubrey, outro.

Oh, and I love Meryl Streep!

2009-03-11T12:30:00.006-06:00

File under: Random Hot Mess

Author: Elliot

That's all. I keep forgetting to post anything about her despite your consistent reminders. Can't say I'm terribly excited to see her play Julia Child, but I'll still see it.

Do Not Watch the Watchmen

2009-03-10T14:14:00.015-06:00

File under: In theatres

Author: Elliot

Question: What do you do with an outlandishly celebrated graphic novel which has been called unfilmable (by it's creator, no less) and has far too much self-important subtext to properly translate to film, least of all one single film? Well, if you're Zach Snyder, you don't really care, apparently. Let's not forget the inimitable director of don't-get-me-started-on-how-much-I-hated 300; with whom you're guaranteed an insurmountable number of pretty slow-motion shots which further self-actualize by erratically speeding up, unrealistic, if not laughable, sound effects, unnecessary emphasis on violence, flagrant racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. and out of context historical pandering....did I forget plot and character development? That's likely because Snyder did too.

My review of this film is easily summed up in one sentence, (but don't worry, single reader, I would never leave you with just one unless it was pages long): Political posturing and moral grandstanding, shot real purdy-like, all in order to masquerade a hollow story where even great character actors fall unremarkably flat. I suppose that's more of a fragment, but it'll suffice in the context of a review of Watchmen because the entire movie is made up of them. It would appear that Mr. Snyder was more perfunctorily interested in stuffing all of the various and fairly complicated (come on, it's a graphic novel) storylines and plot developments into one movie than creating something greater than the sum of its parts. The Silk Spectre(s) story could be a film in and of itself; a drunken mother who idolizes the man who brutalized her and would, subsequent to this event, become the father of her daughter who doesn't know of her paternal origins until after his death. But it's probably been done by better film makers.

Loosely, the story is based on conflicted and outlawed super heros circa 1985 who are insouciantly aware of an impending nuclear holocaust after the arms race seems to be taking a turn for the worst. A newly re-elected (for the third term after term limits are dropped) Richard Nixon has a symbolic and completely useless clock which determines nuclear threat levels, eerily similar to the color scheme used in contemporary American politics. These super heros are definitive anti-heros, fighting crime by means of pretty fighting or explosive telekinesis, but not exactly doing so for or at the behest of the population but more so for their own insular pathology. They're outlawed due to their own recklessness, bombs are coming, only one man (Dr. Manhattan) can save the planet from annihilation, yada yada, all culminating into a destruction unlike the world has ever seen, oh yeah, and disappointment. By the end of this nearly three hour joke one becomes just as ambivalent as the characters in the story.

The Rorschach character, played by the always-delightful unknown Jackie Earle Haley wasn't a terrible disappointment. Unforunately, though, his character had the Batman-esque grumble to it that becomes more of a distraction than an audible undergird to his character's depth of sociopathy. Every action movie has one line in it that is under no circumstances not going to come off as trite and remarkably camp, but he's able to pull it off with a crazed sincerity that downgrades it to tongue-in-cheek status, "I'm not locked up in here with you, you're locked up in here with me." He's violent as hell, and seems very much so only self-concerned.

Billy Crudup is a non-entity in this film as Dr. Manhattan, in every sense of the word. He's practically all animation except for a few requisite scenes explaining his nature and character, but as mentioned by other more apt reviewers, his voice is the most discernable of the cast, making him an appropriate choice for the part. Playing more of a spectre than anything, his disconcern with the fate of humanity under threat of nuclear war, and *spoiler* his complicity in allowing himself to be blamed for nuclear holocaust which kills 15 million + people seems transparent and forced instead of pathological nonchalance.

The Silk Spectre II character is an unfortunate incident with concern to the story she's supposed to carry. I can't say that it's necessarily due to incompetent acting ability on the part of Malin Akerman considering the script she was given. She leaves Crudup's Dr. Manhattan due to lack of interest on his part, goes to Patrick Wilson's cartoonishly bad Night Owl with very little discernable convalescence and eventually makes a desperate attempt at character development within the last fifteen minutes of an already overwrought two-hundred and forty five, give or take. Don't get me wrong, though, I am a complete sucker for a woman kicking some serious ass, as she does near seamlessly in spiked heels.

A few suggestions: cut the running time nearly in half by not doing so many slow-mo/fast-mo shots, it's unnecessary and replete with cinematic hubris. What was the deal with the Nixon character? What? Frank Langella wasn't available? He was practically a guy in a novelty Nixon mask with an even more accentuated nose. Cut the faux politics out of it. And was it really necessary to play every song for the movie in each's respective entirety?

Now I'm not trying to be quite as harsh about Mr. Snyder as this is coming off. He certainly has his place amongst the action-y and popcorn movie directors, I'd just lump him more in the Ratners' group rather than the Singers' or Del Toros'. Can't wait for whatever crapfest he puts out next so that I can shell out another $10 just to make myself feel better by writing about it here.

Did this review help? Yes or No (Circle one)

Aubrey, what are you hearing about this? Have you any intentions of becoming a watcher of the Watchmen yourself?

-Elliot P to the Patton.

WTF.

2009-03-05T16:52:00.004-07:00

File under: Random hot mess

Author: Aubrey

I'm really flabbergasted at the Roots taking the gig of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon's house band. This has absolutely nothing to do with film, but its concerning enough to be posted here.

That is all.

Leave a message after the bleep.

2009-02-24T12:48:00.010-07:00

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Aubrey

Ell, ditto on the disinterest. I feel like everywhere I turn media crits and Joe Sucks Pack alike are bemoaning last year's paltry quality film offerings. Was 2008 really that bad of a year for movies? Or has it simply become fashionable, or perhaps just reasonable, to complain annually about the previous year's contributions to cinema? I guess what I'm asking is if 2008 was honestly any worse than 2007, or '06, or '93, or '79. Is it all relative, or was there something particularly disappointing this time around? It's hard to say without having seen everything released (and everything released in prior years for comparison's sake), but I do know that when compiling my own personal 10 Best/Worst of 2008 lists (which have since changed after having seen a few more of the year's best), I kept finding movies from my Netflix 5 star rating lists that I would get really excited about putting on my Best, only to discover that they were in fact from 2007 (Breach, Control, Diving Bell, Death Proof, King of Kong, The Orphanage, The Savages....) Oh shuckydarns.

I can't help but wonder, however, if it is paradoxically becoming popular to be discontent with popular culture. Of course, there has always been the underground/disdain for the bourgeois/romanticism of the proletariat, but in terms of complaining about the choices of nominees this year, you just can't seem to get away from it. Granted, as you mentioned, the numbers might speak otherwise (taking Dark Knight's boxoffice sales as an example), so perhaps it really only is the critics who are...well...critical. And, as we know, criticism is a dying art, with major layoffs at most major publications (but, that gets into a whole 'nother issue, so I digress.) Just thinking out loud here. Your thoughts? Are we just being snobbish whiners, or are we on to something here?

In terms of our own personal Best Pic nominees from last year, you are right, we do diverge significantly on several. As you know, I reserve a certain dark and murky corner of my blackened soul to brew the particular hatred I had this year for Dark Knight and Curious Case, but hey, to each his own (even when he is very very wrong). I agree with your shout out for Synecdoche; I thought it was a fantastically brilliant film and am going to pull a snobbish whiner move here and say that if you didn't get it, you weren't smart enough (or simply hadn't had enough wine in the theatre with you). Ballast was also a fantastic film, but didn't really have that special sumthin sumthin to win Best Pic. You are right that The Wrestler did. The movie that crawled under my skin and kept me thinking about it was I've Loved You So Long (also, no nom for Kristin Scott Thomas? Puhleez.) But I'm gonna throw a curve ball out here and say that I think the little-seen Quid Pro Quo might be my other choice behind Man on Wire. Vera Farmiga (pic above), who was also absolutely brilliant in Down to the Bone, carries this creepy little ugly duckling of a film (if an ugly duckling can be said to have some of the most beautiful cinematographic feathers of the year). Nick Stahl, the easy-to-hate-main-dude from HBO's Carnivale series, is surprising as the easy-to-like-main-dude here. It's weird, it's wacky and wonderful and challenging. And fetishistic. What more could the old geezers in the Academy want?

And back to the too-early-to-predict-early-predictions for just a moment. Take a sec and peruse imdb's upcoming releases from now until, oh, say about mid April. Thoughts on this? I could only find two movies coming out that I'm even remotely excited for, and I'm equally embarrased to report they are both going to likely be totally forgettable: once again another horror classic remake (Last House on the Left) and 3D (love!) movie that will be only mediocre in 2D (Monsters vs Aliens). And to me, that's the epitome of paltry.

So, we're still not talking about Meryl?

-Aub....

This Is Why The Academy Doesn't Return My Phone Calls

2009-02-24T11:16:00.008-07:00

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Elliot

Hay Aub,
I've never actually thought to ask myself what films should have been nominated before, versus simply complaining about the predictably quotidian picks made by the Academy. It's a question that, unfortunately, for myself, leaves much to be desired from 2008, and our fine reader will understand why in a second. First, an acknowledgment: I completely agree with you on the Push-for-sweep-2009-if-2008-is-our-only-frame-of-reference argument. You can't go wrong with Dakota Fanning, unless of course she's being raped; a curious situation for a different discussion. And Jonas Bros & Co. or whatever hot mess that'll turn out to be just might be '09's Man on Wire, (that hurt to type).

However, I don't think I could have been more disinterested with the selection of '08 even if Michael Bay had released a few more of his juicy pics. There were myriad choices, but most either tried to be too realistic only to become genuine parody (see: Revolutionary Road), were so fantastical that you simply couldn't suspend your disbelief (The Dark Knight), or were sardonically indentured to their own sanctimony rendering them unwatchable (The Reader, Slumdog Millionaire [more smug than sanctimonious, but it still fits] and to a lesser extent, Doubt).

I'm deliciously curious about your pics in this category as I'm certain that our opinions on this matter will not likely converge, but without further a dieu, my list of preferred best picture nominees (in no particular order) w/ brief explanations:

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: As we've discussed, this movie was quite the piece of trash. However, if Forrest Gump can win BP and still not be as good as this it deserves to be in the pool. You can't deny the star power of Pitt (who may yet emerge as the actor of a generation) and Blanchett (the only genuine heir apparent to Meryl Streep), nor the near super-power abilities of director extraordinaire David Fincher. The Academy is often times all about redemption of past mistakes, and completely snubbing Zodiac was near criminal so that angle could be worked as well.

-The Dark Knight: This was a difficult choice for me because after seeing it a few times I decisively concluded that it was all smoke, mirrors, shoddy cinematography and a great marketing campaign. However, over $500 billion dollars in box-office revenue is enough to convince me that it deserves the spot, sight unseen. Fawning fan boys would have returned to the fold of Oscars participation, and the Academy could have made an unprecedented move toward accessibility instead of its notorious yet unfounded elitism.

-Man on Wire (Elliot's personal choice for the win): Has anybody attempted not to love this movie? A story not simply about daring feats but of an inspiring and passionate determination for personal fulfillment too easily brushed off as recreational and secondary.

-Milk: Yet another chance for the Academy to redeem itself from its shameful pick for Crash a few years back instead of the exponentially superior Brokeback Mountain. I had a lot of problems with this movie as well, I just didn't see what everyone else saw I suppose, but in a year where poverty porn ruled the Oscars our only basis for comparison has this one looking like this decade's Amadeus.

-The Wrestler: Why did this movie only get two major nominations, one of which subsequently lost to an inferior performance? It has every element necessary for a best picture nomination: beautiful and raw script, depth of acting unlike any of its competition (as long as you didn't pay much attention to Evan Rachel Wood, but nobody does anyway), one of the most talented directors in the business, then throw in the storyline about a last chance for glory usually deemed Oscar pay dirt.... yet it gets snubbed. This is, unquestionably, dear reader, in the top three of the biggest disappointments from this year's nominations.

I'd like to give a few shout-outs while I'm at it, for films that didn't make my top list either because I didn't see them (but have a good feeling that, sight unseen, they would make it) or they simply didn't make the cut. Better luck next year:

Wendy and Lucy; Synecdoche, New York; The House Bunny; Ballast; Step Up 2: The Streets; and so on and so forth.

-Elliot

Re: The Morning After Razor Blade

2009-02-23T17:47:00.002-07:00

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Aubrey

Sup Ell.

As you referenced, the two best moments last night were Hughie's singing "I haven't seen The Reader, I was going to see it later but I fell behind" (priceless, and in my case, true) and Philippe Petit balancing the statuette on his chin (what Roberto Benigni's acceptance spaz-attack a few years back should have been more like. Or wait. That shouldn't have been at all. But you know what I'm saying (also, as anyone reading this, by which I mean my two cousins and no one else, should know, I really like excessive and inappropriate use of commas, and also, ellipses (see), so just, get, used, to, it.)) I was admittedly wary of Jackman as host (um, hello? Tina Fey was in attendance, and was thus obviously available for the role) but I thought other than the painfully awful yet obligatory dance sequence, he was unexpectedly a'ight....but probably only because he was off-screen for the vast majority of the night. As mentioned above, since I haven't seen nor will probably ever see The Reader, Good Moment Numero Uno resonated with me, although I think it would have echoed more true if he had transferred that little bit to Frost/Nixon, the movie that no one, including the Academy members, saw. And as for Momento Bueno Number Two, hearing Man on Wire get called for Best Documentary (in my opinion should have been Best Picture) was the only moment that I leaped up and ya-bro-punched the air.

Where was Beyonce? People kept asking me today what I thought of Beyonce, so I can only assume it was so horrific and categorically injurious a sight to behold that I must have blocked it out. Wait. Beyonce is ho daddy?

Fashion: Turn to the left. Fashion: Turn to the right:

I think(?) I may have liked(?) Anne Hathaway's dress. The most surprising thing about that though, for me, was when I found out that it was Heath Ledger, and not she, who was being nominated for the role as Joker. Mind blowing.

Penelope Cruz looked super hot from the shoulders down, by which I mean that which was covered in her delicious wedding-cake of a dress. Man shoulders and a bowl cut do not a Ten make, however.

Tilda Swinton's slick back? Hawt. She can do no wrong, even when it is so, so wrong.

Freida Pinto's navy body doily? Naught. (Who is Freida Pinto you might be asking? Oh, well let me explain. She's one of the....well....ALL actors from Hoodcanine that didn't get nominated for anything. Chew on that.)(Her name reminds me of chips-n-dip, which makes me hungry, which makes me think of poverty, which makes me think of exportation and aestheticism, which make me think of this: http://www.slate.com/id/2209783/ I love this article, and you (our two readers) should too.)

Predictions for Oscars 2010:

If this year was any indication of the quality of films nominated, I'm going for a Push sweep, with the Jonas Bros 3-D Concert coming in a close second.

Also, why haven't we said anything about Meryl? Is there....gasp....horror!....nothing left to say?

-Aub...

Sex and Violence!

2009-02-23T15:16:00.001-07:00

File under: In theaters

Author: Aubrey

I (we!) hate Michael Bay. While sitting in Friday the 13th yesterday waiting for the feature to start, I saw my first trailer for Transformers Two or whatever that hot mess of steaming messy hotness is called. You know what, I don't even know if he directed this new one, because I don't want to taint my delicate psyche by imdb'ing it to find out. What I do know is that he needs to stick to ONLY! producing! remakes! of horror classics. I loved the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, and I loved the new F13th too. It's a horrible movie, and totally worth it (at matinee price only, doi.)

Obnoxiously gross kill scenes? Check.

Gratuitous sex scenes only rivaled by gratuitous liberties taken? Check.

Near constant pot references and irresponsible drinking? Check.

I don't even remember the last time I actually jumped during a scary movie, but yeah, so sue me. Check.

Topless wakeboarding? Ka-ching.

-Aub.

RE: The Morning After Pill (should be a razor blade after last night)

2009-02-23T15:13:00.002-07:00

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Elliot

Greetings, Aubrey,
I'd like to welcome our fan to our new blog as well. This just may be what takes the live Aubrelliot show down a notch and may result in us acquiring social lives while we're at it; no promises.

My thoughts on the snooze fest are unbalanced and unfair, just the way I like it. It was sort of like watching a live birth, in that there was a new format with likely-mixed results that had both saving graces (well, one that I can think of), and the consequential unsightly episiotomy that somehow justified Hugh Jackman pandering to his stage roots and the unfortunate awards show mainstay Beyonce showing more thigh than a Catholic schoolgirl who's just discovered cocaine and not even trying to masquerade the lip singing. It's unfortunate when the opening number is the best the show has to offer, which wasn't much to begin with. I'll borrow an observation that I read earlier in that it was, at the very least, tongue-in-cheek funny for Jackman to mention that The Reader was near unwatchable, foreshadowing for the rest of the evening's events? I do believe so.
However, I actually appreciated the new format for handing out the acting awards. It's good for the Academy to explicitly acknowledge the hard work done individually by these actors aside from the tacit acknowledgement in the nomination alone.
In all honesty, however, I can't say that I was exactly 'moved' by Dustin Lance Black's acceptance speech, but it was easily the most genuine and non-agenda-ey acceptance speech I believe I've ever heard. Not that it will do anything for the stone in my particular heart cavity, but it helps! It did diminish that of Penn, who was in the unfortunate place where he had to make an agenda by shaming people for their (albeit ridiculous) beliefs. He is easy to dislike, after all.
No real surprises like that of Crash winning a few years back to speak of. But there were a few times where I held my breath or made an audible gasp at an announcement. Two of those being Walts With Bashir (highly overrated in my book, I should give it another shot but I won't) and The Class being trumped by Departures for best foreign feature, a little seen but highly rated Japanese film; the other (slightly less surprising as the awards neared) being Penn beating out Rourke in a role that was practically a gimme from the studio producing Milk. Mr. Penn didn't create much with this role as Harvey Milk, his persona and everything that goes with it were available to him in a very public fashion, he mimicked. Mr. Rourke had the superior performance. There should be some very clear silver-lining with his loss though, now he has some incentive to not fuck up so much and quit acting like he doesn't care about the Oscar, despite its never-ending flaws the Oscar has more direct clout than any other accolade in film history. Why do you think people still consider Angelina Jolie or Hilary Swank good actresses?
I'm not going to even mention the best picture winner, as anyone reading this would know exactly how I felt about the most overrated film of the year, possibly the decade.
In summation, I can't say this was the most pathetically tedious awards show to date, I'll leave that to the Billboard Awards. Your thoughts?

I never have been one to speak to fashion except when I know what I like and hate, and I suppose that's the genuine critique of all art. I can say the following:

-Marisa Tomei looked like she fell in a laundry cart full of cloth napkins and bobby (sp?) pinned them together.
-I was remarkably surprised that, for once, I couldn't see Anne Hathaway's lipstick color from space.
-I am completely unable to fathom why people went gaga over Angelina Jolie's earrings.
-Kate Winslet's dress sort of looked like she constructed it herself.
-Mickey Rourke is the new Johnny Depp in terms of Oscars fashion. Being different just for the sake of being different does not make the different you're looking for. It's just weird.
-Miley Cirus (why was she there? Ditto Robert Pattinson and Zac Ephron) looked like Daryl Hannah's mermaid in Splash.
-Could Diane Lane look bad if she tried?

That's all for this gabfest. What do you think, Aub?

the morning after pill...

2009-02-23T11:43:00.001-07:00

File under: Death to Oscar

Author: Aubrey

Aubrey: This blog is being created the day after the Oscars 2009 by Aubrey and Elliot Patton. The purpose is to continue our self-indulgent and fairly-constantly-annoying-to-everyone-but-us movie commentary in a public forum that no one will ever read nor care about.

To open up the discussion, I'd like Elliot's thoughts on last night's compulsory yawner. Was this the most pathetically tedious Academy Awards to date? Give me your own personal nominees for what should have been up for Best Picture. Let's do a love/loathe breakdown on the menstrual-colored-carpet fashion faux pas. And a much-too-early-to-predict early predictions for next year's (2009 releases) OldBoringCrapFest 2010.

And post something more coherent than a 1a.m. text on Waltz with Bashir while you're at it.
-Aub...